When your relationship encounters obstacles, you must work it out with your lover. However, while you think you’re working it out with your partner, you may just be working it off ALONE.
People need to have control in their lives. Unfortunately, they usually relate this need for control in their life to their relationship. Instead of managing the situations, they end up manipulating it. That is wrong.
Although, unexpectedly, lovers focus all their efforts in preserving their relationship, there is always a big tendency to overrun the affair. Sometimes, with your need to protect your most cherished relationship, you resort to control. And as much as you try to justify the notion that control will protect, that is not always true. Manipulation can only bring out the worst in your partner. Either he/she rebels from your “light-hand” grip on things, or he/she becomes overly-dependent on you and lose self-respect. Either way, you lose your lover.
You say it’s all because you care for him/her so much. But with this need to protect and enhance your life and your relationship with your partner, you resort to control. Thinking that with control, you can prevent problems. But didn’t you ever stop to think that you may be stuffing him/her and his/her personal growth?
You must realize that what you have is a relationship. It means sharing. Control should never have anything to do with it. If your way of showing concern for your relationship is by controlling your partner and the flow of your “partnership” then expect the disastrous effects of your relationship.
If you really want a lasting relationship, you will have to learn to distinguish between manipulating and managing which is how to best handle your affair.
Obviously, it takes two people to make a relationship. When you value your relationship and the person you’re sharing it with, you must try to manage it at best. And because you wouldn’t want to lose this wonderful affair, you give it all that you’ve got. Although it is quite difficult to ascertain where you draw the line between management and manipulation, it is better to equate your problem-solving schemes with COMPROMISE.
Learn to discuss every issue that you encounter. Managing means working out the solution that you are BOTH comfortable with. Also, remember that compromise is important not only during times of problem. In all areas of your relationship, there should always be an acceptance of the other person’s right for opinion and ultimately, is the decision.
View problems as opportunities for growth and not as obstacles. The main reason why lovers manipulate their relationship is the fear that their relationship might fail the “test”. So, instead of consulting the partner about the situation, they try to take it in their own hands. They make decisions in haste, mindless of their partner’s opinion.
If you feel that you have been manipulating your relationship and feel its effects, talk to your partner. You will be surprised at how much this person appreciates you simple regard for his/her worth. And reassure you partner of your cooperation in all respects of your relationship.
It just takes humility to see through the judge of the misunderstandings. Oftentimes, it is this simple thin that we don’t have. But if you’re starting to manipulate your RELATIONSHIP and your partner, it is more likely that you will lose it.