When your relationship encounters obstacles, you must work it out with your lover. However, while you think you’re working it out with your partner, you may just be working it off ALONE.

People need to have control in their lives. Unfortunately, they usually relate this need for control in their life to their relationship. Instead of managing the situations, they end up manipulating it. That is wrong.

Although, unexpectedly, lovers focus all their efforts in preserving their relationship, there is always a big tendency to overrun the affair. Sometimes, with your need to protect your most cherished relationship, you resort to control. And as much as you try to justify the notion that control will protect, that is not always true. Manipulation can only bring out the worst in your partner. Either he/she rebels from your “light-hand” grip on things, or he/she becomes overly-dependent on you and lose self-respect. Either way, you lose your lover.

You say it’s all because you care for him/her so much. But with this need to protect and enhance your life and your relationship with your partner, you resort to control. Thinking that with control, you can prevent problems. But didn’t you ever stop to think that you may be stuffing him/her and his/her personal growth?

You must realize that what you have is a relationship. It means sharing. Control should never have anything to do with it. If your way of showing concern for your relationship is by controlling your partner and the flow of your “partnership” then expect the disastrous effects of your relationship.

If you really want a lasting relationship, you will have to learn to distinguish between manipulating and managing which is how to best handle your affair.

Obviously, it takes two people to make a relationship. When you value your relationship and the person you’re sharing it with, you must try to manage it at best. And because you wouldn’t want to lose this wonderful affair, you give it all that you’ve got. Although it is quite difficult to ascertain where you draw the line between management and manipulation, it is better to equate your problem-solving schemes with COMPROMISE.

Learn to discuss every issue that you encounter. Managing means working out the solution that you are BOTH comfortable with. Also, remember that compromise is important not only during times of problem. In all areas of your relationship, there should always be an acceptance of the other person’s right for opinion and ultimately, is the decision.

View problems as opportunities for growth and not as obstacles. The main reason why lovers manipulate their relationship is the fear that their relationship might fail the “test”. So, instead of consulting the partner about the situation, they try to take it in their own hands. They make decisions in haste, mindless of their partner’s opinion.

If you feel that you have been manipulating your relationship and feel its effects, talk to your partner. You will be surprised at how much this person appreciates you simple regard for his/her worth. And reassure you partner of your cooperation in all respects of your relationship.

It just takes humility to see through the judge of the misunderstandings. Oftentimes, it is this simple thin that we don’t have. But if you’re starting to manipulate your RELATIONSHIP and your partner, it is more likely that you will lose it.

There were two hearts who met in a dance… that moment was magical – there was a sweet song playing, there was harmony and soon love in the air. They fell in love and they started building castles in their dreams and promised forever with all certainty. But somewhere in the midst of the fun, they got lost in the dance… something went wrong, but they can never do anything. They are just drifting away, their fortress falling apart. There were so many questions, but no one had an answer. Then the music stopped, and then there was silence.

When we truly love someone we give our best and we let that person see the pureness of our intentions. But sometimes that person makes us cry and hurts us for the wrong reason. That person must have loved us, but he/she does not love us to make us understand what he/she truly felt. Now we faced a seemingly impossible task… forgetting. We have burdened ourselves long enough, but we still can’t get out of this emotional trap. Let us remember that the more we try to forget someone we love, the more painful letting go we become. Sometimes we never have to take that person out in our heart at all, for he/she will always be there, no matter how hard we drive him/her away. It isn’t his/her presence that makes this difficult, it is our stubbornness to accept our destiny that aligns forgetting next to impossible. We keep a cold face but deep inside in our heart, there is still that lingering hope for reconciliation. Somehow we still believe that we can rekindle small embers and relight the fire that once burn in our hearts. These thoughts give us hopes, but it also breeds the seeds of loneliness in despair. The only way to forget is to accept and the only way to move on is to look ahead and let the footprints of the past be blown by the wind of time… only then can our hearts can find a partner in the dance of life and hopefully never get lost.

love notes…

Sometimes we close our eyes and listen to the echoes of our heart. We all fall in love, and there are times that we love so much that we lose our self in our own emotions. More often than not we wonder why there are love that grows and love that grows cold. We would start to search for some answers, and try to find where love has gone wrong. But in the end, we find ourselves where we started. We cannot question love when it has its own reasons. Love will always be as it always has been… silent, mysterious, and deeply profound.

Many of us believe that love is forever, that love never dies, only to be dissolution in the end when we find our hands empty and our hearts longing. We have mistakenly have looked at love as a need to be fulfilled, but love is only a gift given to us… we should not hold it in our hands for we may never find the strength to let it go when it decides to leave. We should only embrace its warmth and glow while it lasts, and then freely open our arms when it’s time to say goodbye.

When we fall in love with someone, we don’t want that feeling to end, for it is everything we are and everything that we wanted to be. We pray that love will stay and grow in our hearts; but if it doesn’t then we should never let our life taken by it, for life should not end when heart ache begin. There is always a reason why we have to move on, when we say goodbye to the feelings we wanted to stay forever let us not wave our hands with a heavy heart, for love will have to set its wings free and find a place where it belongs. We may have lost it, but then again when we close our eyes and listens to the echoes of our hearts we will hear that feeling resounding silently forever – then we will know that it has never left us, for the good that we have become because of love. It will always stay, it will always be there reminding us that we should be thankful and happy not because we have lost love but because for once in our lives that feeling lived in our hearts and made us happy.

Love Notes